My Body

The rustic floorboard creaked from a distance, muffled by the door that protects my room. Paranoid, I awoke, panting and sweating bullets. I envy the days when I’d fall asleep and remain dormant in slumber. This was a past so faint yet so vivid, back when I loathed by the church fireplace, the windows consumed with frost…

I push myself upward, my back now exercising full trust on the headboard. I take a deep breath, assuring myself nothing was coming… Reaching over to the bedside table, I feel my way around a flashlight while focusing my attention on the door, ensuring it stays under my glance. I wait a moment, statue still, as I try to hear my way through the mystery across the door. My breaths grew stable, breathing in and out. In, and out.

‍ ‍EEE—eeeeeeek

POoom Ee—eeeeeeek

poom ee—eeek

The sounds were gaining distance and dying; the sound of rickety wood being harassed eventually came to a full stop. With this, a new sound emerged: a gentle squeak. The kitchen tiles? Down the hall and to the left. Seeing as the noise gained distance, it’s reasonable to presume that whatever caused this started in the basement and made its way to the kitchen, as these were the only rooms connected to the hallway. How was this possible? I’m not sure, but I now know that nobody was coming to the rescue...

I get up, slowly, making sure to prevent any unnecessary squeaks from the bedframe. Flashlight in hand, I tiptoe to the door, carefully unlocking each lock to prevent any noise from escaping my control. Shakily, I choke the doorknob and turn it. The door creeps open, revealing a faint light down the hall. The glimmer casts a shadow that warps around the kitchen and hallway, consuming the space it envelops. This distorted shadow hid the true size of the beast, making it appear hunched and lanky…

With the door open and my ears exposed, a stifling and repulsive sound rippled through the air. What sounds like wet pasta being stirred prevents me from keeping a still face. Nauseous, I find it in me to push forward, as I knew the stakes at hand. The sounds grew with each step, slobbering now holding my ears hostage.

All of my precautions were trivial, as one of my steps accidentally let out a creeeak. The floor growls, exposing my location. A deafening scream bounces off the walls. It’s the scream of a soul lost long ago, assuming there ever was one. Lethargic thumps soon follow, the beast desperate to move but unable to do so. Everything was up; I wasn’t going to let the moment slip away. I found the courage to finally say something…

“Sweetheart, what are you doing up here? You know you aren’t allowed up here.”

Silence.

I walk steadily to the corner of the hallway, careful not to reveal myself. I wait patiently, waiting for something: a response, an action, anything.

Nothing.

My heart is pounding inside my chest.

thump thump thump

thump thump thump thump

thump thump

Silence.

thump thump thump thump

thump thump thump thump thump thump

thump thump thump

Silence.

Blood is rushing; my head pounding harder than my heart.

thump thump thump thump thump

thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump

thump thump thump thump thump

I desperately call out again.

Nothing.

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I can’t take this any longer.

THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP

I forcefully hurl myself around the corner, my body jittering and cold.

“What are you doing up here?”

A reflection of grief and sorrow now stares into my soul. We knew they’d been caught and lacked the energy to escape. Their skin wrapped around their bones like a sheet of wrapping paper, one decorated with bruises and scars. Their face was pale and slender, and under the wrong influence, could be molded into whatever figure or desire we wanted. Lying in front of the fridge, their arm was only able to reach the bottom shelf. They were too weak to stand up and hold things, but strong enough to crawl and knock them over. Moldy leftovers consume their face and the floor.

“Answer me when I speak to you, honey. How did you get up here?”

This act of desperation was over.

Their blank stare shifts to teary eyes. Teary eyes turn into uncontrollable sobbing.

thump thump thump

“Sobbing, over the kitchen tiles? Making a mess for me to clean up. This is exactly why I don’t let you come up here, sweetie. You’re reckless! You're a danger to our image!”

They’ve begun to whimper and shiver. I approached them, but they pushed me back; it didn't take long before I was towering over them. I put the flashlight down and started dragging our feet to the basement.

“Oh, my poor, poor sweet thing. You scared me so much, cupcake.”

thump, thump, thump

I place them on the petite chair and lock their chains and shackles, hoping to keep them hidden away. Pleased with myself, I make my way back upstairs. I didn’t know how they got past the locks, but that was an issue for later. I sealed the door, swallowed the keys, and made my way to clean the kitchen.

I hear sobs below me. Slowly, they turn wrathful; His light truly shines brightest in the absence of our shadow. I had conquered our demons, again.

I gasp for air, panting and sweating bullets as I wiggle my way around the shackles. I remember the days when I was awake. This was my future. I’d lay by the fireplace, perfectly able and conscious.

I rocked myself back and forth, my bare chest stretching and pushing, testing the trust in the restraints that hold me. I strain, my body weak and limp from malnourishment. I look above and below me, seeing a mysterious thought not cast by the basement ceiling. I wait a moment, statue still, as the mystery consuming me cuts me free. Without a moment’s hesitation, I limp and hobble up the stairs, panting for freedom.

CRRRREEEEEAAAK

The sound was loud, the rickety wood trying to get me in trouble. I can’t stop to think; I need to go. I make my way up the stairs, trying my hardest to make it up each step, even if that means sacrificing stealth.

‍ ‍EEE—eeeeeeek

POoom Ee—eeeeeeek

poom ee—eeek

I make my way to the door, looking in myself for the key. A few seconds later, I hear a click and push the door open without regard for the squeaky hinges. It creeps open, and I crawl past the door. Shakily, I gag, praying that I… no, don’t even think about that. I make my way down the hall, the wood still my enemy. I can hardly navigate my route, as there isn’t much light bouncing off the walls. I push forward, guiding myself with my intuition. As I writhe, I stumble upon a corner and feel a change in the flooring: the kitchen. I had made it.

I smell my way to the fridge, a redolence of delicacies and splendor guiding my soul. With the fridge open and my mouth open, I get blinded by the light; how long had I been suppressed? I hadn’t the time to think about this: I needed to regain my energy, and quickly. I could barely reach the first shelf, but that didn’t matter right now. Sounds of beauty soon filled my heart, the taste filling in the remaining cracks. I can’t contain myself, as there is simply too much to love in front of me.

As I devour my feast, I hear a repulsive noise in the distance: creeeeak. I scream, knowing my location was most likely exposed. I gather some scraps and crumbs off the floor and make my way out of the kitchen. I can’t let the moment slip away, but unfortunately, my body is still frail. It didn’t help that I wasted the majority of my energy consuming heaps of food in rapid succession. Just then, I hear something…

“Sweetheart, what are you doing up here? You know you aren’t allowed up here.”

I go silent.

My heart is pounding inside my chest.

thump thump thump

thump thump thump thump

thump thump

Silence.

thump thump thump thump

thump thump thump thump thump thump

thump thump thump

Silence.

Blood is rushing; my head pounding harder than my heart.

thump thump thump thump thump

thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump thump

thump thump thump thump thump

I hear a desperate call.

Nothing.

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I can’t take this any longer.

THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP

I forcefully hurl, my body jittering and cold.

I hear the voice say something:

“What are you doing up here?”

A grim reflection of pride stares into my eyes. We knew I’d been caught since I lacked the energy to escape. Their skin is a faux complexion of ideas taped together by golden ribbons and clear skin. Their face is pale and ghoulish, with wrinkles containing remnants of their stout past. Under the wrong influence, it could be molded into whatever figure or desire we wanted. They towered over me, submerged in grief.

“Answer me when I speak to you, honey. How did you get up here?”

This act of desperation was over.

Their blank stare shifts to a gleeful smile. The gleeful smile turns to tears of joy.

thump thump thump

“Sobbing, over the kitchen tiles? Making a mess for me to clean up. This is exactly why I don’t let you come up here, sweetie. You’re reckless! You're a danger to our image!”

They approach me, and I try to push back; it didn’t take long before they stood atop me, it didn’t take long before they were in my space, it didn’t take long before they were in me. I started dragging our feet to the basement.

“Oh, my poor, poor sweet thing. You scared me so much, cupcake.”

thump, thump, thump

They hide me on the petite chair and seal me in, hoping that it’s the last time they’ll have to deal with me. We knew this wouldn’t be the last time. As they make their way back to the surface, our mouth shuts, and teeth lock me in.

I sob, darkness consuming us. Slowly, the pain turns wrathful; His light truly casts out the existence of a shadow. My demons had been halted, again.

“The hatred of myself. It can only be rivaled by my parents’ efforts to reach me.”